A shadow of Gulls

" Death must be so beautiful.To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head and listen to silence . To have no yesterday and no tomorrow. To forget time, forgive life, to be at peace ".

This was told by Oscar Wilde and when I had first read it ,I almost fantasized with death! I felt even death can be synonymous with peace and beauty. But ..............................................

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My last few moments was no where the way I hoped it would be or any close to what I had read , for firstly, death did not choose me ..... it was forced upon me.

I was killed.

After the last jab into my heart and a skull ripping blow on my head I lay there counting time  left to live and not forgetting it . I wasn't lying in the soft brown earth but in a pool of my own blood and above me there wasn't any grass waving but the evil faces of my killers who waited as eagles for my death .

The choice of words in that quote had to be altered for me ,as now I had to forget life and forgiving those responsible for it was impossible by me . I was helpless . I was restless .

There was so much to be done yet and it was just now that I had fallen in love with life and everything in it !!

I wanted to be an achiever and see the proud sparkle in my parents' eyes ! I wanted to live till I became a mother myself and tell my amma that now I understood her truely ..

I wanted to travel the globe and give the hippie in me, a true chance to discover myself .

I wanted to meet people belonging to different ethnicity and share an evening with them raising a toast to the bondage we shared as fellow human beings !

I wanted to live till all my hairs greyed and wanted to share my crazy stories with those bright blooming tots sitting around their cool granny !

I wanted to experience wild love and wanted my own li'l world in this huge one ... I wanted to take responsibility for it ...

I wanted to write back to my childhood crush and thank him for making me feel special when I still had my innocence to believe in words ...

I wanted to sit watching the aurora in awe !

I wanted to wake up and smile silly at the possible nightmare I was having ..

I wanted to learn new things and overcome my fears ........

I wanted to die watching the eyes that had deep love for me ,

but .... above all ............. I wanted to LIVE ...

I lie there taking smaller breaths and wanted someone to hear my  last words, that death, even though was less dramatic than i thought it to be, it was still an enigma .......

 I closed my eyes wondering to myself if I'd become a star or a flower would bloom out of me ......