Love Languages

I wish I could write a solid piece of article on the current trending topic - LLMs! Instead I'm one letter short and here to talk more about LLs 😁

Gary Chapman, an American author and talk show host is credited and best known for his concept of the five love languages that humans use to express and receive love. They are: 

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Gifts

Acts of service

Physical touch

While it is established that people use all of these languages to some degree, a person will primarily speak one of these love languages. We all have different ways of expressing our love and have specific ways in how we want to be loved. 
Perhaps this is one of the most profound concepts that can explain why relationships fall apart without placing blame on either of the parties involved. Sometimes, we fail to understand how to love the person we already love so that they also know it and then sometimes, there's a conflict/ trade-off involved where despite wanting to love someone the way they need and would appreciate, there are situations that might prevent one from doing it. 
For eg. a child not getting any attention or quality time from their parent is not going to feel happy or a sense of peace and satisfaction with the different gifts the parent buys to compensate for it. In this scenario, there's no blame on either of them. The world can never say a parent is wrong for slogging to provide their child/children the basics of what the child deserves nor can say that the child is wrong in expecting their parent' undivided attention.
The motivation to write this started last year when I took my parents for a week long trip to Sikkim. We as a family have taken many trips but it was usually a couple of families combined and never just the 3 of us minus my sibling that too! This trip gave me an opportunity to closely observe how our communication styles had changed or evolved with time and age. I realised how parents rather my parents use relatively loud ways to share criticism or displeasure respectively(there are differences in how each of them communicate too) but very subtle ways to communicate love. 
We were all at a beautiful Stupa sitting in silence. I could see amma was in her peaceful zone and happy. After she got up, she came to where I was sitting, gave me a pretty flower and walked on in silence. I assumed it was her way of thanking me for bringing her to the Stupa or for the entire trip perhaps?! I held on to that flower the entire day and remember just feeling so happy from within.
There was another time when amma wanted to rest a while longer in the room and I asked papa if he'd accompany me on a walk around. During that time, we took a tiny drinks break and pappa bought me a beer which we again enjoyed in silence. Tiny acts that convey deeper emotions when words fail us.

I haven't still figured what my primary love language is but I've been curious about it all the same and have unearthed these about me. I hug my closed ones tightly to show that I love, care for them. I hold someone's hands and squeeze them hard to say a thank you when I'm overwhelmed by some gesture of theirs or when I'm trying to ask sorry when I truly didn't intend to hurt someone. These are moments when I hardly have words in my mind or mouth. I mostly buy people sweaters as gifts and that's my way of keeping them warm on a cold day. Cold because of the weather or cold because of people's ice-cold behaviours to remind them there's someone who cares. I buy them books to prepare them to handle their lives when I'm not around to help them with certain challenges. I always buy gifts for people on their birthdays because I want to celebrate them and for more close ones, I make the gifts myself to show I'd choose to put more of my precious time on them. I'm mostly available to hear people rant. I will give people the time to listen to them, to help them with reassurances that they are needing to hear. I've also stopped bringing my phone to the dining table or when I meet people outside in an attempt to say that I'm going to dedicate that amount of time just to them. I almost never lie to anyone regarding anything good or bad & am way too straightforward and that's my way of truly protecting them from further or long-term hurt.
All in all, this is still an ongoing exploration and one that might change in nature too. But one thing I've realised especially in the past couple of years when my mental health took a huge dip is that I am never on this list or come last. So, one conscious thing I'm trying to inculcate is to give love to myself in equal measures or more (#goals) as I give out to others. And that's my wish for everyone on this planet too! 
Meanwhile, below are some gestures or things that people in my life have used to me and vice versa which only and only spells love!

credits: Dominee - selfloverainbow.com

"Did you eat?"

"Radio?/want to listen to music together?" 

*Links to favourite music*

"You're looking so good, Let me click your pictures for you"

"I'm here for you"

"We'll figure this out, together"

"Tell me how to understand you better"

*Direct feedback and clear next steps*

"Call/text me when you reach home"

"I'll wait here until you go in and latch the doors"

"Let's talk about it"

"I'm sorry, I messed up. What can I do to correct it?"

"Here, you must read this book"

"You can wear my dress to your event"

"I'm going to get water for me, do you also want?"

"It's okay if you don't want to talk, we can sit together in silence"

"I understand"

"Coffee/ Chai/ Ice cream?"

"I'll pick you up/I'll drop you home"

"Want to watch a movie/play together?"

"This might sound rude but I'm trying to keep everything transparent between us"

"Shall I cook your favourite meal for you?"

"I made this *artefact* for you"

"Treat our chat as a safe venting space for you. No judgements whatsoever"

"You're allowed to make mistakes too. It's fine!"

"Take the leap, I'll catch you if you fall"

"Stay warm"

"I'm not going if you're not coming. Let's both/all go next time when you're free"

"I'll make the bed for you"

"Are you okay?"

*A silent gaze or look of understanding when needed*

What are some ways in which you express love or want to be loved?

What are some of those things that you say or people you love have said to you that made you feel all warm and mushy and safe within?